Life These Days

Oh my goodness!  What a difference a few days make…  I can officially say that I’ve turned a corner and my meds are working again.  Whew!  Actually, in the past week, I’ve taken an anti-anxiety pill a couple of days.  This is progress, friends.  My appetite is back, and I’m actually eating full meals again.   I actually lost 10 pounds during those three weeks, because when I’m stressed out or am anxious, I have no appetite.  None.  So the eating is a good sign, the lack of need for anxiety meds, and the fact that I’m just feeling like myself again.

Yesterday Hudson had “baseball” tryouts.  This is where the kids show up and show the coaches their skill levels so they can be appropriately placed on teams.  He did an amazing job, and its fun to see how far his skills have come since last summer.  We also had a Jerry McGuire moment.  The older kids had tryouts at the same time and one of their baseballs came flying over the fence and Hudson ran to grab it and throw it back.  It made me laugh to hear the awe in the big kids voices as they told him, “Good throw, Dude!” and “Wow!”  You can imagine Hudson walked away a little taller than normal.

Side note:  Don’t you just love kids confidence?!  I was biting the inside of my mouth to keep from laughing when I heard Hudson and another boy in line telling each other what great ball players they were.  “I’m a great hitter!"  “I am too!  And a great thrower too!”  Ha!

It sounds like summer starts for many at this end of this week, but no such luck here.  We have one more week and I, for one, can’t wait for summer.  I’m actually really looking forward to some quality time with the Littles.  This will be the first year that I feel Ashlynn is really old enough to do more things and be more active.  I have several hikes and swimming days planned.  I’m just looking forward to having them all together again for a few months.  Of course, our grocery bills will rise considerably, but it’ll be worth it.

Devyn has finally caught on to the whole bike riding thing.  Last year when Hudson took off on his two-wheeler, Devyn was a bit more cautious and really just stayed away from her bike most of the summer.  But within the past month, she finally got it.  Now its all she wants to do.  Actually, its all any of the LIttles want to do.  I won’t be at all surprised if Reagan is riding a two-wheeler by the end of the summer too.  Ahhhhh.  To be a kid again.

The last day of school is also our 11th wedding anniversary.  11 years.  Can someone explain to me how that’s even possible?!  We’ll actually celebrate 15 years together in October.  Seriously.  I can barely remember life before Jon.  After the rock he’s been this past month, I’m even more sure I’d be completely lost without him.  And now that I’m healthy again, it’ll be my turn to return the favor.  Jon’s boss is retiring at the end of the year and Jon has started debating whether or not he wants to apply for the junior foreman position.  I’m really ok with whatever decision he makes, but I know he’ll stress about it until everything is settled.

I’ve been having some vivid dreams lately that we find out I’m pregnant with #5.  So vivid, in fact, that I googled the failure rate of vasectomies.  Bad idea.  I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, it is never a good idea to ask Dr. Google for answers.  Ha!

As far as Munchkin Land Designs is concerned, I’ve started working with a local programmer and I can’t begin to tell you how much stress this has lifted from my life.  We originally met him for computer repair, and local folks, if you ever want the name of someone who is fast, reliable, and affordable, let me know.  We’ve been to him several times and he is worth his weight in gold.  So much more affordable than Geek Squad.  But we’ve also started working on a few website projects together and I really can’t thank him enough for his time and efforts. 

Starting in June, I’m also going to start weekends off.  Wait, what’s that you say?!  Yeah…  Despite the occasional weekend off, every few months, I usually work every single day.  But that’s changing.  I will not be answering emails or working on drafts on Saturdays or Sundays.  This is really one of the best decisions I could have made for myself, my family, and yes, even my business.  This will be a really good thing!  And I’m also choosing to believe that God will provide enough clients for our NEEDS.

A week from Saturday, Ashlynn will be two and a half years old.  And her attitude seriously reflects that age.  She is absolutely the baby of the family, and knows it.  She cocks her head, bats her eyelashes, and we’re all butter in her hands.  From Daddy to Reagan, all of us will run to her beck and call.  Except that Mama is getting kind of tired of the “entitled” attitude and we’re starting to work on that.  Now if I could just get the rest of the family on board with the same game plan.  Lord, help me. 

I believe that’s catches y’all up with us!  Thank you SO much for your prayers these past few weeks!  I definitely felt cupped in His hands, grace, and protection.  I’m thrilled to be on the other side of that cliff.

Messy Life

I don’t know about you, but when I have friends coming over, I scramble to make the house presentable.  The clean, yet unfolded, laundry will get tossed on my bed, I wipe down the bathroom counters, take care of the pile of stuff that’s accumulated on the front table, run the vacuum, etc.  All the little niceties to help my friends feel welcome and at home.  And I’m not saying that’s bad…  What I am saying is that its not always real life.  Real life is messy.

A friend from high school moved about 10 minutes away from me last spring.  We weren’t close in high school, friends of course, but we ran in very different circles.  And when she found out they were moving home, she contacted me to help her find a rental home.  Honestly, I was happy for her that she was going to move closer to family, and I was looking forward to our sons having play dates.  But I had no intention of the friendship moving beyond that.

Lynn had other ideas.  And no matter how hard I tried to keep her at arm’s length, she pushed back.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want her friendship, its just that I’m used to saying goodbye to friends.  And it hurts less when you’re not close.  Silly, of course.  But never the less, the truth.  I just had a feeling that they wouldn’t be staying long.

Slowly but surely, Lynn eased her way into my life.  Homemade dinners when my grandma got sick with cancer, offers to babysit, a bottle of wine when Grandma died, play dates, and more.  Soon, more than a day didn’t go by without us talking to each other, texting, or having each other’s son over for play dates.  Hudson and Holden were two peas in a pod, and their instantaneous friendship gave us all the more reason to hang out together.

Then one day, for whatever reason, Lynn had taken my kids and our van for the day.  I forget the reason… it could’ve been a day to allow me catch up on design work, or it could have been for one of my dad’s cancer appointments.  But I came home and both to my horror and surprise, I had a completely clean vehicle!  Tired of hearing me complain how dirty my van was and how many times I kept saying I needed to clean it, she took it upon herself to clean it for me.  And this was no easy task, friends.  A minivan with four Littles who constantly leave behind school bags, snacks, clothing, is a nuclear wasteland.

And she gave me the beautiful gift of cleaning it for me. 

She doesn’t know this, but I drove away that day with tears in my eyes.  Tears of gratitude, tears of shock, tears of humility.  It was in that moment that I realized what its like to actually LIVE messy life with someone. 

During the next eight months, we grew closer than ever.  Holden became our fifth child on family outings, Hudson became their adopted child too.  There were days Lynn would show up and whisk Hudson away for an ice cream date with the family.  Food would show up in our fridge, there were school pick-ups and drop-offs, babystitting, poker nights, Corn Hole, bbqs, family dinners.  She and Holden would even come over for a play date and she’d pull up a seat on the couch and start folding laundry with me.

As the days grew closer to their moving date, she and I had many teary conversations.  It was Lynn that taught me how to embrace my mess, it was Lynn that taught me how to be a friend through the mess, it was Lynn that gave me a gift that I’d never experienced before with another woman.  It was a beautiful gift, and one that I’ll take with me into other friendships.

When we said our goodbyes, I thanked her again for pushing through my walls.  I sobbed the entire way home.  Its not that we won’t ever see them again, her family is still here, but Texas is too far to live messy life with someone. 

I think as women we’re so bent on projecting this face of who we want to be, of who people expect us to be.  And we forget HOW MESSY life really is.  There is hurt, pain, death, diseases, financial stress, there are dirty kitchen floors, counters needing wiped.  There’s the laundry to fold, beds to be made, bills to pay, dinner to cook.  Life is hard and life is messy.  And how wonderful it was to share the load with someone who understood that.  I’ve always been one to embrace the honesty and realness of friendships, but Lynn took it to a whole new level. 

And I will always be thankful for that.

My Meltdown

I’ve written this post over several days.  I’ve written, rewritten, deleted, added, and turned myself inside out trying convey what’s been happening in my life these past two weeks.  This post is far from perfect, but it needs to be written.  It needs to be journaled.  This space is about my life… All of it.  The good, the bad, the ugly, the scary.  Some may judge me for sharing so much with the internet, and that’s ok.  I understand if this makes you uncomfortable, and for that, I apologize.  But I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t share it here.

This space has been quiet over the past few weeks.  In fact, most of my social media has been quiet.  The fact of the matter is, while everyone is turning out thought-provoking posts, adding adorable pictures on Instagram, working on DIY tutorials, pinning on Pinterest, and Friending on Facebook, I’ve just been trying to breathe and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

I wish I were kidding.  I wish I were over exaggerating.  But the day after my last post, I had a complete and total meltdown.

 

As in… sitting in my bathtub sobbing my guts out to Jon.  As in… I was having panic attacks several times a day.  The kind where I flushed hot, then cold, and then I couldn’t breathe because a freaking elephant was sitting on my chest.  As in… I wanted to curl up in the fetal position, pull the covers over my head, and sleep the day away.  As in… the highlight of my day was counting down the hours until bedtime.

 

It was the single most scary, darkest, and most painful time in my life.  And that’s saying something seeing as how I JUST talked about how bad my post-partum depression got after Hudson.  I was seconds away from turning into our local mental health hospital’s parking lot and admitting myself because I was certain that I was crazy and I just wanted some relief.

 

Yeah.  It was that bad.

 

Let me tell you something.  I’ve been dealing with depression long enough that when I’ve hit a rough patch, I can assure myself it’ll only last a couple of days, then the tide will turn again soon.  Only this time, the tide didn’t turn and I couldn’t see hope.  It was terrifying.

 

I waited a good six days before I received help.  And I’m happy to say the psychologist and doctor have upped my meds and I’m taking an anti-anxiety to bridge the panic attacks while my new dose reaches therapeutic levels.  I’ve never had panic attacks, so this is a brand-new symptom to deal with.  Yay! {sarcasm font}

 

The hardest part is that I don’t know where it came from…  I can’t pinpoint one trigger that could’ve sent me into this funk.  I have theories, my family and friends have theories, even my psychologist has theories.  And so best as I can tell, its probably a mixture of things…

 

First, let’s chat about Munchkin Land Designs.  Did you know that in the past two months, I’ve had three days off?  Three days.  And I can probably guarantee that I at least answered emails on those days.  I have zero balance in my life and I think this is a huge wake-up call that things need to change.  And fast.  Jon and I are discussing changes and working through the details.  But guess what?  I used to love designing, and I need to get back to that.  This frantic pace is no longer cutting it and my body has had enough.

 

Secondly, I’ve had a traumatic year.  There, I’ve admitted it and said it.  My grandmother died, one friend moved out-of-state, my dad was diagnosed and fought and beat cancer in the span of three months, my husband’s step-father died, and a second friend moved out-of-state.  Its been a long year of trauma and goodbyes.  And while I thought I was dealing with it all pretty well, I think this is clearly telling me that I have more to deal with.

 

And lastly, and while I don’t know your thoughts and opinions on spiritual warfare, since we believe in God, we also believe in Satan.  And there’s not a doubt in my mind that there’s an element of spiritual warfare in this situation.  I find it interesting that the day after I proclaim my birthright as the daughter of the King of Kings on this blog, that I was brought to my knees in despair. 

 

I feel like it was the perfect storm.  And my mind and body has brought it quickly to my attention that there are things I need to deal with in my life.  I’m lacking balance, I need to work through some grief, and I need to be on my knees even more than ever.  There may have been warning signs in the past, but I’m a procrastinator.  I tend to leave things on the shelves until I have no choice but to deal with them. 

 

Guess what?  I have NO CHOICE but to deal with this now.  Mind and body have made that plenty clear.

 

I’m doing ok.  I have moments, long periods of time, that I really feel like myself.  I have the energy and motivation and focus to deal with the day-to-day.  But just as fast, I can be back in the despair and it takes all I can to feed the Littles lunch, or get them to school.  Its in those moments that I cry out to God, wondering if I’m ever going to feel completely whole and good again.  There’s been a lot, A LOT, of praying these past few weeks.  Not to mention the utter fear and helplessness Jon felt. 

 

If you think of it, of me, I covet your prayers, my friends.  I pray that I will hear God’s instructions clearly and that I’ll lean on Him for strength and peace.  And someday… hopefully soon… this blog will return to fun posts again.  Its been a little too serious, even for my liking lately.  Ha! 

 

Just keeping it real, folks.  Keeping it real.

Love and Marriage, Week 4

This week is our last week and  we’re going to discuss whatever is on our hearts.

I have two things that I wanted to address here this week.  One will seem frivolous, especially compared to the other.  But I think its important to address, especially in this platform. 

Blogging and Husbands.

I don’t know about you, I can only speak for myself, but I love blogging.  I mean, LOVE, blogging.  I’ve been blogging since 2005 and this place has become such an important piece of my life.  Its where I’ve documented important memories, feelings, experiences, emotions.  Its where I’ve given voice to the number of issues that are important to me.  Its my journal.

And because its important to me, I need Jon on board with this piece of me.  Especially as it relates to him, our marriage, and the public platform I write from.  I can honestly tell you that Jon loves my blog, he loves reading my blog.  Rarely does a morning go by that I don’t see him logging in from work to read any new posts.  He offers feedback on posts, he’ll dialogue with me about comments, he offers support.  In fact, its gotten to the point that he’ll even give me ideas for posts.

Whatever the case may be with your spouse, I HIGHLY suggest discussing blogging with him.  Find out what he’s comfortable sharing with the world, whether he wants a place in it at all.  And respect those feelings.  Some bloggers live out their marriages on the world wide web (with the exception of finances, we’re one of them), some bloggers won’t mention their marriages at all, and some live in the in-between.  None are wrong, none are right.  But hopefully everyone is respecting the boundaries that each couple has set forth.

The second thing is more serious, and I believe incredibly fundamental for my marriage to succeed.  It might seem “preachy” to you, and if it does, I apologize.  That is certainly not my intent!  This is just something that is key to keeping my marriage working.

It’s the realization that my spouse IS going to fail me, and to accept that truth with grace.  There are no ands, ifs, or buts about it.  Jon has failed to meet my needs countless times in our relationship, just as I have failed him.  We are human, and we will continue to fail each other.

However, there is One who has never failed me.  Never.  Its my Lord, Jesus Christ. 

I became a Christian at the young age of five years old, but didn’t really proclaim my parents faith as my own until I was in my early twenties.  I went through some rebellion and some of my stories would probably shock you.  But in the midst of it, even in the darkest hours, I felt God’s hand of protection over me.  There were numerous circumstances when I could have easily become a statistic, but I always felt His hand.  I turned back to the truth and have clung to Him ever since.

My identity in Christ is THE most important thing to me.  Its not my role as a wife or mother, its not my role as sister, daughter, or friend.  I am a daughter of the Most High King.  And because I can go to Him with every need, every doubt, every worry, every fear, and have HIM meet those needs, I’ve freed Jon up to be human and to love me with human failings.  There’s something to be said about having the pressure and expectations taken off that allows our marriage to breathe and grow.  There is not a doubt in my mind that if I didn’t have Christ as my center, every other relationship I have would crumble into dust.  And that includes my marriage.

Thank you for joining us on this Love and Marriage blog series.  It has been a delight to get to know you all better, and some for the first time.  I know that I’ve added a few new blogs that I’ve added to my reading list.  I hope this series has blessed you half as much as its blessed me. 

Please check out the other ladies participating in this series and read their words of wisdom today.  Mandy, Jenna, Shay, Lindsey, and Megan.  You can also link up below!

I need a Moment

My dearest Hudson,

Sometimes I just need a moment.  A moment to compose myself, a moment to reflect, a moment to take in the changes I see happening in you.  Quite frankly, my love, there have been quite a few moments lately, and each one takes my breath away.

Hudson, you have grown by leaps and bounds in the past few months.  One moment, I saw a struggling, young boy, who barely knew 13 of the 26 letters in the alphabet.  And with the tick of each week, I saw you learning new letters and sounds.  I saw you working so hard and your determination has served you well.  I’ve never been so proud as you added letter after letter, until you knew each one and the accompanying sounds. 

But today… oh, my sweet boy… today you blew me away.  As you sat coloring with Reagan this morning, you wrote: “I luv flrs” which you deciphered to me as “I love flowers”.  And my mouth fell open and I exchanged looks with your daddy.  You are spelling words!  All by yourself!  I don’t care that they’re not spelled correctly, phonetically, its dead on.  And I am proud of you for TRYING! 

Speaking of flowers…  You have suddenly taken on Daddy’s love of gardening and have selected some soil for yourself.  You’ve been cultivating the land, getting it ready for seeds.  And when you heard I was running to the store yesterday, you came running out to the car.  You opened my door and asked if I’d buy you some seeds for your garden.  I told you I would and went to shut the door, but you stopped it and asked, “Pinky promise?”  And there in the driveway, you and I linked pinkies and I promised I would come home with seeds.

Today was a big day for you, my son.

A couple of weeks ago, your teacher sent me an email letting us know you were getting a certificate for character.  These awards always mean so much more to me than any athletic or academic award, my love.  Because I want to cultivate in you character.  Above all.  This will be something that no one will ever be able to take away from you, no matter what!  You either have character, or you don’t.  And these awards give me a peek into what’s being shaped into your soul.

It is obvious that your love of order, justice, and love of military and policemen have followed you into the classroom.  This is what your teacher wrote on your award:

Hup, two, three, four.  GI Hudson is on a self-control tour.  He might not be in the army, but he has the self-control to be a great soldier.  He has typical kindergarten boy energy, but can harness it when needed.  When the teacher asks him to show he is ready to leave, he is one of the first to get his body ready.  In the hallways, Hudson stays in line with his duck tail and bubble.  He has fun at recess, making up exciting games for the class to play, but is always safe and in control.  Hudson, I am thankful to have you in my class.

Buddy, you did good.

Then after school, Daddy and I had the fun of surprising you with a visit to the local police station.  I have a friend who was gracious to show us around the dispatch center, as well as have a police officer show you everywhere else, including the holding cells and interrogation rooms.

I don’t think you stopped smiling the entire time we were there!  Your eyes would widen with each new observation and morsel of information.  This was your heaven, and I’m so thankful that we were able to share that moment with you.

Hudson Jonathan, as I’m catching glimpses of who you are and who God has called you to be, I’m humbled to the core.  You, my son, have such a strong sense of right and wrong.  You are, without a doubt, a born leader.  You have a take-charge attitude, and while it can drive your daddy and I nuts at times, I know this is going to be an incredible asset in your future. 

Yet, as strong and bossy as you are, you have such a tender heart too.  Its never more evident than in your interactions with your youngest sister.  I’ve never seen a sibling relationship like what you and Ashlynn have, both adoring each other, almost to a fault.  You are constantly taking care of her, making sure she’s ok, and as rough as I know you can be (because you are ROUGH with Reagan), you always take it down about 10 notches with Ashlynn.  It warms my heart!

Hudson, its an incredible honor to be your mother.  I know I don’t do this parenting thing perfectly; there have been many, many, MANY times I’ve had to ask for your forgiveness for one thing or another.  But I’m honored that I get the opportunity to be a part of your life and I pray (continually) for the wisdom in shaping you, your strengths, and your weaknesses.

I love you, my little man!  And I’m excited to see where this life takes you!
Mama

Monthly Recap, March 2013

This is only about 21 days late, but whatever.  Right?  I wish I had a better excuse than being busy, but it is what it is.  I’ve been busy living life these days.  But I definitely wanted to get this up here, so without further ado, March recap.

1. Our leprechaun showed up again this year, and continued to make quite a mess.  Green crepe paper thrown everywhere, green “pee” in the toilet, green and  gold confetti.  I’m still cleaning up after our visitor.  But the kids love it so much and the extra work is totally worth it.  The only downside is that Devyn figured out that its actually Mama behind the magic, but that’s another post for another day.
2. We spent the morning riding bikes with Hudson’s best friend.  These two are inseparable, which is going to be hard when Holden and his family move to Texas this coming weekend.
3. A night with friends.  An amazing dinner, drinks, and poker.  Need I say more?
4. We took Devyn and Hudson skiing, compliments of “Uncle” Drew.  The kids had a blast, I fell in love with a brand-new resort, and I already am looking forward to next year’s ski trips.
5. We started a milk delivery with Royal Crest and I LOVE it.  Every week, they fill our weekly order and like magic, it shows up.  Just as we’re running out.  I honestly don’t know why we haven’t done this before.  And the best part is, I don’t have to wonder what hormones or feed the cows are eating.  Good stuff.
6. We found out the my sister and her husband are expecting a girl in July.  We’re so excited to meet little, miss Kayley Louise!  Its coming soon!
7. Hudson has turned into a huge helper lately!  He’s buckling his sisters in their car seats, he held my hand during a blood draw (routine blood work), and even made me a cup of coffee this day.  You can tell he’s really starting to take his role as big brother and protector seriously.
8. We had a wildfire in March.  Yep, you read that right.  In March.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried about what this summer will be like…  But we’ve also had some big snowstorms the past couple of weeks, and while I’m ready for spring, the moisture is badly needed!
9. We’re going to become an aunt and uncle for a third time this year!  Jon’s younger brother and his wife announced they’re expecting in the fall.  Their due date is the exact same due date we had for Devyn.  Such a weird coincidence!
10. I stepped foot in the Atlantic Ocean for the very first time at 33 years of age.  Jon and I flew down to Florida to spend some time with his mom and stepdad.  It was an amazing trip!
11. While we were there, we spent a whole day exploring Key West and fell in love with the place!  Quite simply, we’re ready to go back again!
12. Mommy and Daddy had a relaxing and rejuvenating 6 days away.  We came home rested and ready to do the parenting thing again.
13. We arrived at this gorgeous home for a long weekend with my family.  Yep.  My whole family.  My parents, four sisters, four husbands, six grandchildren, and two babies in-utero.  All in all, it was a really fun weekend and I’m so glad we did it.

Love and Marriage, Week 3

This week we’re discussing things we do to make our marriages work.

I’m feeling a bit uninspired this week.  We’ve had the worst snowstorm all winter the past few days, in spite of the fact that it’s the middle of April.  So this means 12 hour shifts for the husband, and it means my winter “widowhood” has peaked and I’m BURNT out.  Poor Littles… they aren’t getting the best side of me this week…  Sigh.

Moving on.

Now, I feel like many of the cornerstones of a good marriage are pretty basic.  Good communication, putting the other before yourself, date nights, intimacy.  All great in theory, a lot harder to practice day-in and day-out.  Especially once little ones are added to the mix.

All those things are great, and truly, we try to check in with each other on each topic several times throughout the year.  But Jon and I have two things that have really worked for us...

The first we borrowed from a friend, and once we instilled this in our own marriage, it was a night and day difference.  The rule goes something like this… “Whatever is said between the hours of 10:00pm and 6:00am cannot be held against the other person.  What’s said during that time frame is said in the heat of the moment, and doesn’t count.”

Once babies are added to the mix and sleep has become a once-upon-a-time fantasy, tempers flare and emotions run high.  Folks, some of the things Jon and I have said to each other during the midnight hour would make your toes curl.  Then someone’s feelings get hurt, a grudge is held, and it goes downhill from there.   In fact, half of the time, Jon doesn’t even know/remember what he said to me.  And when I not so nicely remind him of it the next day, he feels horrible!

So when a friend let us in on this secret of hers, I jumped on it.  It made a huge difference!  I’m not saying that its an excuse to have a free for all, but its great reminder to offer some grace when you know something wouldn’t have been said had the spouse had a full night of sleep.

The second is very important to us.  In fact, we both said this is the most important thing to us and its what makes our marriage work.

We give each other time off.

Several times throughout the year, we give our spouse time off.  Whether its for a whole day, or a whole weekend, we allow each other to have time alone.  We don’t need to be Employee, Spouse, or Parent during that time.  It is wonderful!

Jon takes a couple of weekend fishing trips a year, with his brothers or friends.  It allows him to relax, to enjoy doing what he loves, he recharges, and comes back a much happier, rested man.  The same is true for me… Coffee dates, lunch dates, movie dates, weekend conferences.  All allow me to breathe a little, focus on myself for a bit, and its usually enough time to make me miss my people like crazy.

And the best part of it?  Its guilt-free time.  In fact, I think that part of it is key.  In order for Jon to truly enjoy his time away, I leave him alone.  He never (or rarely) has to worry about what I’m upset over, or what we’ll fight about when he gets home, or if I’ll throw this back in his face.  I think its this attitude that has Jon excited to get home to us.  I can’t tell you how many trips he’s cut short because he missed us and was ready to come home.

So there you have it.  Some of the little secrets that make our marriage work.  Just remember what I said during the first week, it might not work for all marriages.  Know yourself and your spouse well enough to know if these will work for you two.

Please head over and visit the other ladies participating in this marriage series with me. Mandy, Jenna, Shay, Lindsey, and Megan.  I’m especially excited to read about your little secrets too.  I’m always looking for new ways to make this relationship work a little smoother.