Those beautiful, selfless fairies are my mom and sister! They came into my house, saw it at its worst, and blessed me with the best gift imaginable. I am so humbled and thankful for their gift!! They have no idea how much it means to me that they would think to bless me in this way. I have friends ask me all the time how I manage to do and really, all credit has to go to my family! Jon is the most supportive and understanding husband that I know, each sister helps out in any way they can, and my mom... wow... there aren't enough words to describe how my life is continually blessed by her.
Thank you Mom and Alli, this was better than waking up on Christmas morning! I love you two and don't know what I'd do without you. (And yes, I realize how very lucky and blessed I am to have such a great family. I do not take them for granted!)
I couldn’t help but crack a smile, after all, how do you continue after something like that?!
This was by-far one of the best ultrasound experiences we've ever had. As a reminder, our local Christian pregnancy crisis centers was in search of women to practice on as they certified their nurses on the ultrasound equipment. Because ultrasounds are so new to the nurses, they were just as excited as us to see that little body on the screen. It was wonderful to lay there and listen to them oohh and aahh over every new body part. Since this is my third child, I knew what body parts I was looking at before they did. But let me tell you this, no matter what number child this is, no matter how many ultrasounds I've had, it never gets old watching your baby on the screen. Never! At the end of the session, the two nurses and the trainer prayed over this new little life. It really was an amazing experience!
So before the nurses and the trainer knew that we didn't want to find out the gender of the baby, they got a clear (I mean, can't get much clearer) picture of the space between Baby's legs. Try to imagine the baby sitting on the camera, that's the view they got. Now, I know its very, very early (I was only 15 weeks along at the time) and its probably too soon to tell. But there was nothing, I mean NOTHING, between those legs. So either its really too early to tell, or this baby is a girl. Any thoughts?
Here's my dilemma, now I'm wondering if we should go ahead and find out the gender at the 20-week ultrasound. This is the planner in me coming out! My biggest reason being that I don't want a twinge of "oh, I wish it were the other gender" when this baby comes out. I don't want that moment marred by any milliseconds of disappointment. Don't get me wrong, I know that whatever God gives us is exactly what we're supposed to have and I'll be so thankful for either. But each time that I convince myself why either gender would be best and then something (like an ultrasound or heart rate) happens, I feel that twinge of "oh, I wish it were the other". Does this make me a bad mom? And trust me when I say, that what I want changes on a weekly basis. First I want a girl, so Devyn can have a sister; then I think that I would love a boy for Hudson, only to change my mind back again.
However, after long discussions with Jon, who is adamant against finding out beforehand, I've decided that I need to put into practice the "trust" that I'm so willing to give for advice. Trust that everything is already planned out according to His great purpose; trust that there is no difference between knowing now and knowing later; trusting in the unknown. As everyone has pointed out before, this is going to be a huge stretching time for me for I am the ultimate planner and not knowing is going to drive me crazy!
Although we don’t know what Christine and Caleb are having yet (they find out tomorrow), Devyn insists it’s a girl… and that it’s her sister. I don’t think she quite grasps the meaning of sister but it’s adorable nonetheless.
I’ve been doing some more decorating courtesy of my friend, Melissa, at Home Chatter. I have officially cut myself off, as I can’t have every wall in my house covered in sayings without it appearing as obsessive. Here’s my latest attempt at becoming more homey:
Hudson is in love with my parents’ dogs and thank goodness they are as wonderful with children as they are, for they put up with a lot. Every morning Hudson chases down one dog and then the next for a huge bear hug, several not-so-gentle head pats, and the claps gleefully when he’s done. He also refers to all dogs as “Zeus”, the name of my parents’ black lab.
Devyn came up to me the other night with her shirt pulled high up on her chest, exposing her little tummy to the world. When I asked what she was doing, she said that she wanted to hear her baby’s heartbeat too. This just goes to show that she is paying careful attention to everything I do, and understood what the Doppler was picking up.
Side note: Does anyone have any ideas on how to keep a 17-month-old boy from throwing his food when he’s done? Jon and I have tried everything and nothing seems to be working. The minute Hudson is done eating, the food starts flying. Our trips to restaurants have come to an abrupt end for the time being.
And last, but certainly not least:
Last night Devyn and my dad (Papa) had their first date together, just the two of them. Devyn has developed quite an infatuation with baseball; granted she has no idea what the actual game is about but she loves going to Rockies games. And this is where they went for their first date. After the game, she returned to my parents’ house for a sleepover, so I didn’t get to see her until lunch today. Listening to her describe her date, hearing her small, pixie voice made my day.
She described the foods she ate; hot dogs, pop, and ice cream. “The circle kind,” she described. (She’s referring to Dippin’ Dots® for those that are confused.) She described the waterfall that they sat next to, and the clapping and shouting at the game. She leaned forward in as if to tell me a secret and confided that “Papa had a beer.” I laughed. When I asked who won the game, in a triumphant voice she exclaimed, “The Rockies!”
I was a little worried about the reunion. I just reread those words and I know other committee members are going to be reading those same words and laughing. I’m sure “little” is putting it mildly; they likely would say that I was “uptight”. And rightfully so. I’ve been stressing over this “stupid” reunion for months now. And during the first half-hour of the reunion, I was afraid that my fears were coming to fruition. As classmate after classmate arrived, nerves and anxiousness written over their faces, they drifted into their cliques, into their circle of friends that they were most comfortable with. I cringed inside as it felt like I had simply stepped back into time, ten years earlier, into the same roles we all played in high school.
But as time passed, as everyone starting relaxing more and as the margaritas flowed (the Friday night mixer was held in a local Mexican restaurant infamous for their margaritas), we all started mingling together and enjoying ourselves. Now, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say that just one of those margaritas would have gone a long way in soothing my own nerves but since there’s a little bun in the oven, I had to make do with a little hand-holding from Jon and deep breaths. Throughout the night, classmate after classmate came up to thank us for putting together the reunion and we had many comments about what a great time everyone had. There were a few complaints (not enough food, not warm enough food, too much money, misplaced classmates) but I think the compliments far out-weighed the complaints. And quite frankly, there really is so much a committee can do. After all, if posting information on five websites and sending postcards to last known addresses isn’t enough, then I don’t know what to tell you.
One of the hardest things of the night was when a classmate by the name of Jon arrived. I walked out into the hallway and behold, there was Jon seated in a wheelchair, obviously very confined to it. I recognized him immediately, he and I weren’t close friends in high school but I know that when we received his RSVP for the reunion, I was looking forward to seeing him. He was well-liked in high school, very active, and just an all-around good guy. To see him like that brought me up short as I had no idea what had happened to him. Come to find out Jon was diagnosed with MS a couple of years earlier and the disease has progressed rapidly. He appeared to have a good time, he and his date were constantly surrounded by classmates and friends and I’m so thankful he was able to come. He and I got to chat for a bit and it was good to see him. But even now, my heart breaks as I remember the guy from high school and seeing how fast the disease has progressed.
Did I enjoy myself? For the most part, I had an absolute blast. It was wonderful seeing old friends and classmates and it was great to hang out with my girlfriends again. I’m especially thankful that our husbands get along and kept each other in good company all night. However, I will never, ever plan another reunion again. The stress and the details just aren’t worth it! So, any former classmates that read this, please know I’m placing the ball in your court for the next one. =)
I will post about the reunion, but I’m still gathering my thoughts and waiting on pictures from friends. Most of the reunion weekend involved many highlights, including a surprise attendance by one of my dearest high school friends who swore she couldn’t get out of a family reunion. I was so happy to have her there; it just wouldn’t have been the same without her. And there was one particular low point; it still breaks my heart every time I think of it. But details will come soon, I promise.
I wanted to leave you all with some recent pictures of Devyn, recent as of this morning. She and her brother were taking a bath; I was just struck by how grown-up she looks and how beautiful she is and had to grab the camera. (I know, I’m the mommy, I have a very biased opinion.) When did she grow up?!
More on the reunion to come soon!
With both of their pregnancies, I waited with bated breath for the first moment I could pee on the stick to see if two lines appeared. With both of those pregnancies, you literally had to squint to see the first line. In fact with Devyn, I pounced on Jon at 6:00 in the morning, shoved the stick on under his nose, and demanded to know if he saw the line. He was hesitant to say anything, not knowing which answer would send me over the edge, but finally agreed that there did seem to be a faint, light line.
The pregnancy test for this one was taken on a lark, as a way to confirm that I truly wasn't pregnant. How else can you explain that I let Hudson play with the stick for 20 minutes without looking at it?! With the other two, no one was allowed in the same room with me while I waited for the results. And imagine my shock when, not only two lines appeared, but they were shockingly dark and pink. There was no squinting or angling of the test... at all! It was positive!
And now, a good ten weeks after first finding out that God was blessing our family with another child, I am finally, FINALLY, starting to connect with this new life. Overnight, it seems, this baby has grown so much that I am starting to feel little kicks and saumersaults on a daily basis. Overnight, this baby is making its presence known to me and to the outside world. At least once a day, Jon is reaching from behind to caress his unborn child. He gets that boyish, happy grin on his face as he cradles my growing tummy and, while we still can't feel this baby's movements on the outside yet, I felt the baby move in response to his/her daddy's touch. There is finally a heaviness in my womb, the heaviness that says, "yes, this is me, I am here, I can't wait to join you all, just let me grow a little bigger..." You know, that little mound that seems to object every time you hug someone too close or every time a sibling climbs onto my chest for a snuggle. The little mound that seems to say, "stop...squishing...me!"
*Sigh* This is what I have been waiting for, the moment when I realize that I'm pregnant, the moment that I realize that I'm going to be a mama for a third time, the moment when it dawns on me that God has matched another child to Jon and I. I am so thankful and humbled when I think of this child and wondering who God has created them to be; I'm anxious to see the three of them, Devyn, Hudson, and Baby, together as siblings. Oh, I am so excited for this new little life... finally!
We think we've decided on a boy's name... finally... and no, it wasn't on the original list. Any guesses? [Update: I've listed the name in the comments.]
I find myself in a new position regarding this blog. For the first time in the two and a half years that I started blogging, I find myself hesitating to write what I want. I always knew that I was putting myself out there for all the virtual world to read and every day I’m discovering just how many in my life (friends, family, coworkers, etc.) stop by the site for a visit. But every so often someone will say something to me and I find myself pausing to ask myself if I’m really as comfortable being as open and vulnerable as I thought I was. I don’t know. There’s so much I want to write about and so much I want to share but for the first time, I’m second-guessing myself. So, until I can figure things out within my own head and heart, I’m afraid this blog may be staying with the superficial for now…
Some highlights from our trip to North Carolina:
- While Devyn can be cautious when it comes to meeting new people or new situations, she is a completely different girl when it comes to life experiences. One day they pumped up this huge inner tube to pull behind the boat and Devyn was the first one to ride on it. She had both Uncle Josh and Uncle Brock sitting on either side of her and you couldn’t have wiped the smile from her face!
- Almost every evening, we pulled into this one bay area where the water was about 30-40 feet deep and so very warm. We would float there for hours and both Devyn and Hudson turned into little water babies in this bay. My 3-and-a-half-year-old girl would climb onto the back of the boat and jump into the water over and over again. And while Hudson took his time adjusting to the water, it was in this bay that he finally allowed us to hold him in the water where he could splash to his heart’s content.
- On 4th of July, we went to a nearby golf course and to watch the fireworks display. As always, Devyn hated the noise and wanted to go home, so she and I hunkered down on the grass with her daddy’s coat covering her head. Every so often, she’d lift her head and tell me when she saw a pink one, only to duck under the coat again. Hudson, on the other hand, loved every minute of it and tried “catching” the fireworks as they drifted down. Towards the end of the display, I leaned over and reminded Jon’s that I’ve been pregnant for three out of the last five 4th of Julys.
- It always warms my heart to see Jon’s brothers interact with my children; I realize how very lucky my children are and how much they are loved. Josh and Brock obviously enjoy spending time with them and get such a kick out of the things they say and do. It was also the first time that girlfriends of the brothers came too (yes, it’s a little unnerving having to give up my “only-girl” crown) and Devyn loved having more girls around.
Some highlights since our return:
- I have definitely reached that stage in my pregnancy where people are starting to wonder “Is she? Or isn’t she?” I have had numerous coworkers come up within the past few days to ask, always with a hesitant smile. I’ve smiled at them and announced that, yes, we are expecting our third. My news is usually met with congratulations, but there have been a few comments wondering if this was planned or not. I just smile…
- Jon returned to work, after an almost two-week vacation, to find an email that he’d received a raise. I am so proud of him! He is in a job he loves, he is such a hard worker, and he definitely deserves this. Great job Babe!
- On Tuesday night, a group of girls went out to dinner for a birthday celebration and it was a wonderful night! It was so refreshing to sit down with other Christian women and discuss both the blessings and pangs of trying to be a Christian wife and mother. It was just as therapeutic as going to a counselor… seriously! I walked away with a whole new perspective on things.
If you’d like to follow along with my sister’s pregnancy, click below.
I'll know if I'm having getting a niece or nephew in just two weeks!
- Our plan from North Carolina landed at 9:30 yesterday morning; Mom’s surprise 50th birthday party was to start at 2:30. We went straight from the airport into party errands. I’m exhausted.
- I really don’t think Mom was as surprised as she pretended to be, but oh well, it was a fun party and it was great having everyone there.
- Now I get to turn all my attention to the 10-year high school reunion that’s taking place in 11 days, fun times.
- A week after that I’m throwing a baby shower for a dear friend; I think I might be crazy.
- I was so ready to be with Jon and the babies after being apart for four days, it was a wonderful reunion. Hudson would not let me put him down for the rest of the day.
- Christine and I decided to share the cost of renting a fetal Doppler and both love hearing the heartbeats of these cousin-babies.
- No matter that this is my third child, I never tire of hearing that fast swish-swish sound.
- Thanks to all who participated in the name poll, unfortunately, it hasn’t brought us any closer to choosing a name. In fact, I believe all the names on the poll have now been taken off the table.
- Like my friend, Kristin said, all this effort to choose a boy name is going to be for naught when this baby turns out to be a girl.
- Our local pregnancy crisis center is in the process of training their nurses to conduct ultrasounds as a new service to their clients. To help with the training, they are offering any pregnant woman between the stages of 7 and 16 weeks a free ultrasound. Our appointment is in a couple of weeks. I can’t wait to get a peek at this new little one!
- There are some changes happening at work, some unexpected ones. A decision has to be made and the one we’re leaning towards would give me even more time at home with our children. That’s a huge plus on the “pro” side.
- Ok, I keep writing bullet points and then erasing them, so I think I’d better sign off for now.