The Faith of My Child

Now that Devyn is attending Awana's on a weekly basis, she's constantly bringing home songs that I remember from my childhood. But there is one song that has been escaping me for a while now. Devyn knew a few of the lyrics but not all of them. So on our way home from a barbecue with some friends, Jon made me google the following lyrics "the rains came down and the floods came up". I found a delightful website that gave me the rest of the lyrics to The Wise Man Built His House.

And not only the lyrics to that song, but a whole list of songs that were instantly remembered as I started singing them. It especially cracks me up hearing Jon sing these songs because its such a blessing knowing that my husband was singing these songs at the same time I was. We sang I'm in the Lord's Army, The B-I-B-L-E, I've Got the Joy in My Heart, and Rise and Shine. We had a blast! And Devyn was so excited for us to finally know the words to the rest of the first song.

We then dropped Jon off at my parents' house to get his truck and headed on up to our place. Devyn and I sang the entire way, alternating between all the songs above. Just as we were turning onto our street, I heard a soft gasp from the backseat.

"Mom!" Devyn exclaimed.

"Yes, Paige?" I answered.

"I just heard God speak in my heart."

My heart skipped a beat, and I braced myself for what I knew was going to be a special moment. "What did He say, Dev?"

"He said my name!" The excitement rang true and clear in her voice.

"He did?!"

"And then He said, I love you Devyn," she continued.

As I gripped the steering wheel, I wondered at the sweetness and innocence of a child's faith, my child's faith. Devyn, who at four years of age, never questions if it is truly God's voice she just heard, she knows it. Devyn, who doesn't dream of getting married or growing up, instead just wants to sleep on clouds when she gets to Heaven. Devyn who prays every night that God would let her see Him. Devyn who is not afraid to sing Jesus Loves Me at the top of her voice in the checkout line at Super Walmart. I am humbled by this little girl.

My sweet, sweet Devyn. My prayer is that you will ALWAYS hear God speaking to you in your heart!

The One and Only

The one and only picture we took of the entire four days together! We spent those four days doing nothing more than talking, drinking coffee, and relaxing. Oh, and can't forget the pedicures we all got. Amy's inability to NOT laugh during the pedicure was definitely an unforgettable moment. It was a wonderful four days!!

I don't get it...

Many don’t get it, nor understand it. I’ve gotten looks, questions, concern. I’ve even been reprimanded. This whole world of blogging just doesn’t make sense to many in my life. Why I’d want to put myself out there like that, or why I’m as open as I am, is a puzzle to many. Normally, I just smile and nod my head, unsure of what to say or what it is they want to hear. But here’s the deal…

I have always been an open book; rarely does anyone wonder what I’m thinking, why I’m thinking it, or if they do, all they have to do is ask me and I’ll tell them. But more often than not, I wear my thoughts and emotions on my face. So it’s nothing to me to put myself out there on the World Wide Web; it’s become an extension of who I am. As the kids grow and become older and start wanting to keep more things private, I’ll have to revisit that philosophy. But in the meantime, theirs and my life are an open book. And know that nothing is ever posted without the approval of my husband, or anyone else that I may write about on here.

I’ll be celebrating four years of blogging in the fall. It’s amazing to me that I’ve stuck with something that long. I can’t tell you how many journals sit in my drawer with the first few entries completed and the rest sit blank. I have an absolute blast revisiting past blog entries and I’m amazed at how things have changed, in such a short time!

But I think one of the greatest gifts I’ve been given through blogging is the community of women (Christian and non-Christian) that I’ve met. Some I’ve gotten incredibly close to, some have stayed for a season, some I chat with via email or Facebook, and one in particular has become very special to me.

I’m not sure who found whom first, or who reached out first, but when Amy and I found ourselves expecting #2 within weeks of each other, a connection was formed. We started out by leaving comments on each other’s blogs, which then turned into emails, which turned into cards and baby gifts, which turned into phone calls. Oh, those calls were a saving grace. We laughed, we cried, we offered support, it was our own private therapy sessions.

And then Amy broached the idea of meeting in person and both husbands were a little leery, wondering what had overcome their normally sensible wives. Who does that? Who meets a friend they met over the internet?! But both gave in and Amy’s family flew out for a vacation in the Colorado mountains/meet-in-person trip. I dealt with a ton of nerves, wondering if I was going to live up to any expectations that might exist, fearing I may not be as likable in person. But all the worry was for nothing. Amy and I clicked, our children played together famously (I still love thinking about Parker and Devyn racing each other down a walkway, or jumping off the fireplace together), and even our husbands bonded over a brewery tour one day.

And yet, somehow, in the midst of living life, finishing a basement, and having a third (me, not Amy), we have still managed to stay good friends. So much so that she’s arriving on Saturday for a quick 4-day trip and I’m almost giddy at thought of getting some one-on-one time with her! We don’t have any definitive plans aside from dinner with my family (who are all incredibly anxious to meet her) and a coffee date with Sarah. Hopefully, it’ll be a relaxing, restorative time for her. Personally, I just can’t wait to squeeze her neck! And yes, I definitely owe a trip to her home state soon, it’s only fair!

This friendship is just one of the many reasons I blog…

Me and My Box

We all do it, every single one of us. We walk by a mirror or a window and a quick glance turns into a concentrated study of ourselves. Our inner dialogue discusses the shape of our hips, the curves of our body, or lack thereof, the angle of our nose, or the slope of our forehead. Let's not forget the color of our hair/skin/eyes/legs. We bemoan certain characteristics and wonder why, oh why, were we "blessed" with the family genes. We all do it.

Even I will pinch an extra fold of skin, or make a wish list of things I'd love to change. Now, don't get me wrong, I love all three of my beautiful babies and I am so thankful for healthy pregnancies and babies, but even I wonder what has happened to the body of my youth.

But that it not the point of this soapbox.

Every time I hear a woman, young or old, start listing the things that are wrong with themselves, I get mad. I get angry. I want to shake my fist at Satan and tell him to leave us alone! It is heartbreaking to me to look at this beautifully created woman put herself down, time and time again. Does she not see? Can she not believe what she sees in the mirror? Doesn't she see the way her eyes sparkle when she talks about something she loves? Does she not hear how amazing her laugh is? Does she not know that I would love to have her gift of graciousness? Or how often her gift of friendship has touched yet another life?

It is so easy to let the lies seep into ourselves; it is so easy to start believing the worst of ourselves.

The comparison game is just as lethal. If only I could have her body? Or her hair? Or her smile? What I wouldn't give to have her eyes? I cringe because I too, have played this game many times. And it makes me sad.

Am I telling my Lord, my Creator, that He did an imperfect job?! How on earth can I think for a moment that I am lacking anything when HE made me?! I am fearfully and wonderfully made... JUST the way I am. If our Lord, our Father, takes such delight in us, if He thinks we're beautiful, then why are we thinking the opposite?

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." ~Psalms 139:14

I had to write about this because it seems like a daily struggle in the lives of those around me. Every time I hear a complaint, or see the sadness and hurt in their eyes, I want to scream. Those thoughts are not truths, they are lies! You ARE beautiful, you ARE amazing, you are exactly who God created you to be. Anything else is untrue.

Testing, testing.

So Blogger has a new feature that'll let me post from my phone and I'm testing it out. If this works, I might post more often. We'll see...

Quick Update

I just wanted to give you all a brief update on Hudson's situation.

Dr. Susie's nurse called me yesterday to tell me that after Dr. Susie had plotted his new weight and compared growth charts, it appears that Hudson IS back on his growth curve. Praise the Lord!! However, with that said, Dr. Susie would still like us to see the pediatric endocrinologist to quote "see if Hudson needs growth hormones or not". This is where it gets sketchy for me...

Jon and I are adament about not using hormones on our two-year-old boy. Please know that I am not judging anyone who has taken that route, but Jon and I are not comfortable with putting those into our still-growing little boy. If God designed Hudson to be small (and he was/is perfectly and wonderfully made), then so be it. I have no doubts that Hudson will make up for stature with his outgoing, larger-than-life personality.

So the question remains, what does our doctor hope to gain by sending Hudson to the specialist? If its just for growth hormones and our decision is already made, then what's the point? If Dr. Susie hopes get answers from other specialized tests, then I'll call and make the appointment myself. Regardless, I am waiting on a return call from Dr. Susie herself to discuss these things. I'll be sure to update with more news as I get it.

And just for fun, I'm ending with a photo that I captured of Hudson and I this morning. I just love those curls of his!

Our Little Man

He's on my heart tonight... my little man. I fear that I don't talk about him enough, or even that I won't be able to describe him accurately, but I want to try. So you can know him, as I know him.

Did you know that we're constantly stopped wherever we go? We play a little game before stepping out in public with Hudson, betting on how many times we'll be stopped. As his mother, I understand the draw, but I fear that I'm a little biased. Yet time and time again someone will stop us to tell us how charming, adorable, or beautiful Hudson is.

It could be his hair, that mop of blond curls just begs to be touched, ruffled, and combed through. The words, "He gets it from his dad" is always on the tip of my tongue as they shift their gaze from my straight, brown hair to his golden curls. It could be his big eyes, the eyes that are hazel but, more often than not, look brown. Not to mention that the length of his eyelashes is just too sinful to put on a little boy. It could be his smile. I have always known that if Jon and I were to have a little boy, he would have Jon's smile and I would be doomed. Its the perfect combination of I-know-I'm-adorable-and-can-get-away-with-anything and I-didn't-go-looking-for-trouble-it-found-me. Its the smile that I've never been able to say no to.

It could be those things, or it could be that they see his spirit, his personality, and they're just drawn to him. He has a way about him that makes everyone feel welcome, as though they are a friend. He has a good heart, a loving heart. When Devyn comes home from school or Awana's, Hudson will scream her name and run across the room for a hug. The same is true of any of his loved ones, just this afternoon he did the same to his Auntie Christine. He is a lover and my cuddle-bug. Every morning, every nap time, even just because, he will crawl into my lap and wrap his arms around me for a good 10-15 minute cuddle. He pulls both Jon and I close for kisses and loves stroking our cheeks with his.

"Hockey" means both hockey and golf, "football" means both football and basketball, and no matter how many times we try to correct him, these names have stuck. I find myself saying hockey more often than golf. I was so nervous when I found out we were going to have a boy, I'd been raised with all girls and had no experience with little men. But oh, this one has turned my life upside down and I couldn't imagine my life without him. He is the perfect balm in the midst of uncertainty.

Between Hudson's 15 and 18-month check-up, he stopped growing. He's maintained his weight, but it did not go up. We were sent to a nutritionist and after a thorough discussion of Hudson's eating habits and new healthy eating tips, we were given the all-clear. Then we had his 22-month check-up and again, no growth. Dr. Susie was concerned and ordered blood tests of all kinds, all of which came back normal. We breathed a sigh of relief. But Dr. Susie wasn't done yet, issuing a referral to a pediatric endocrinologist. After probing for what it was they'd be looking for, we opted against it. Our main reason being that we'd say no to any kind of growth hormone that they'd want to put Hudson on. Instead Pediasure has become a staple in our home and Hudson has two "special" drinks a day, thus ensuring our little man is getting an additional 500 calories every day.

Four months later and I was called back into the doctor's office for a weight check. I was fairly confident, after all, I'd seen with my own eyes that Hudson was growing, some of his pants didn't fit anymore. With a sinking heart, I frowned as I realized that Hudson had only gained a pound and a half in four months, well eight months if you count back. My 26-month-old baby boy currently weighs 20lbs and 14ozs.

And so now we wait. I am dreading, yet anxious, for that call from Dr. Susie tomorrow. The call where she states her concerns, where we agree to take him to the endocrinologist, when I get to ask some questions and, hopefully, get some answers. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, if I wasn't concerned, because I am. Very.

There are a couple of things I know for sure. One, he is active. The only time he is not moving is when he is sleeping, seriously. So I'm pretty sure he's burning up whatever calories he is taking in. Two, I'm fairly certain that this is just Hudson's genetic make-up. After all, I am only 5'2" and my dad is 5'6". Two of my sisters fell off their growth curves as toddlers and were also referred to pediatric endocrinologists, only to find out that they were just small.

But I am scared, and concerned. And truth be told, I just want some answers.

Is it any wonder?!

Jon and I had an unexpected date night on Friday, fully planning to take Reagan with us to Denver to celebrate Jon's cousin's birthday. But at the last minute our babysitter (thank you Annie!) demanded that we leave all three kiddos with her. She is brave!

This was taken as we waited for everyone else to show up. Is it any wonder that his blue eyes drew me in?! The cincher was his smile and someday, I swear, I am going to capture it on film.

He Has Risen!

This song is one of the most powerful songs ever written regarding all Christ has done for me! My fervent prayer is that you would feel God calling your name and that one day, you too will be on your knees before our Savior.

Happy Easter Sunday! I will be celebrating the resurrection of my God and King!

"In Christ Alone"
Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townsend

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

Unworthy, But Grateful

Things are happening in Munchkin Land, specifically with me. I’m pretty sure that the events of the past week have accelerated the feelings of anxiousness that usually accompany my post-partum depression. I do want to reiterate that while I may be dealing with anxiety, I am not depressed and that is a huge improvement for me; I’m just more like my father than either one of us wants to admit.

While I have a whole post on that last statement alone, I don’t want to delve into it today. Easter Sunday is just days away, the most victorious day in the Christian faith, and as such, I really just want to reflect on the fullness of my life and the blessings I’ve been given.

• Hudson’s big, expressive eyes as we chase each other around the couch.
• The sound of Devyn and Hudson’s hysterical laughter as they twirl and run into each other while “dancing”.
• Reagan hiding her face in my shoulder as she flirts with her daddy.
• The comfort and security of Jon’s arms as he pulls me into a hug.
• The taste and smells of homemade bread.
• The chaos and laughter, the raised voices, and the sharing when we get together with my parents, sisters, and their families.
• A night of worship, led by my cousin, Daniel.
• Watching Hudson play “hockey” with his uncles.
• Devyn as she sits on my bathroom counter asking to watch me put make-up on.
• Jon’s face as his smile reaches his eyes when he’s excited about something.
• The familiarity of sliding between the covers of my bed.
• Witnessing the progress of my mom; I never thought I’d be so excited over watching her move around the kitchen as she makes a family meal.
• Laying next to the fire on a cold morning, with Devyn and Hudson cuddled on either side of me.
• The sight of my youngest in a deep, peaceful sleep.
• Friends. Real, true friends. The kind that aren’t afraid to call things as they see it, the kind that call to check in and make sure things are ok.
• Coffee dates.
• The pop-up window on my computer screen saying I have an email from Courtney.
• Watching through the windows as Hudson winds up, swings the golf club, and sends the golf ball in a perfect arch to the other side of the backyard.
• The feel of Reagan tucked tightly against my body in her sling, and smiling when strangers ask if there really is a baby in there.
• Jon
• Devyn’s curiosity about life; her curiosity that knows no limits.
• The chirpy voice of Hudson as his vocabulary grows.
• Fridays, when I know that I’m looking at four and a half days with my little ones.
• The smell of fresh air that permeates their hair and wind-blown cheeks when Devyn and Hudson come in from playing outside.
• The sight of any of my sisters’ names on my caller ID.

And the list goes on…

These two truths are the same in weight and importance. Accept and love who and where you are now, and all good things shall find you there. ~Unknown

Easter Cookies

Look what we made this morning!

While I know making cookies together is a fun part of childhood and sweet memories can be made, I can't help but get stressed out when trying to measure out ingredients and having little hands in the dough, spilling things, etc. I wish I had my mother's patience for baking with the kids. (See post below.) But I think I found a good compromise. I made the dough after the kids went to bed, let it cool in the fridge overnight, and then we cut out the shapes and decorated the cookies together this morning.

The kiddos waiting to ice and decorate the cookies.

While the cookie cutters I got this year did not include any crosses, we had plenty of eggs, bunnies, and flowers. All celebrating life. =) While I will be on the lookout for a cross cookie cutter for next year, I'm thankful that Nana has been doing the Resurrection Eggs with Devyn. She is starting to understand that Jesus died and came back to life. It makes me smile when I think of her trying to explain it to Hudson. Hudson, on the other hand, is convinced that Easter is for all things sweet and having to dress up.

And proof that they fight over who gets to be with Reagan more.

When It Rains and Baking

I am sad…

This morning my former supervisor passed away.
The coworker who had surgery on Tuesday was told that it was Stage 3 or 4 cancer.

It’s not the greatest of days…

But my mom just called with a fun story and it lifted my spirits.

Mom, Devyn, and Hudson were baking a cake together. After raising four girls, and having baked before with Devyn, she was unprepared for the “joys” of baking with a little man.

Mom scooped out the first cup of flour and handed it to Devyn, who gently turned it over into the bowl, careful to not get it anywhere else. Mom scooped out the second cup of flour and handed it to Hudson.

This is where any similarities end.

Hudson took the measuring cup and “slam-dunked” the flour into the bowl; he then pumped his fist in the air and exclaimed, “Yes!”

I just love that little man!

Family Resemblance

I finally got a picture of Elliana in the same pink shirt.

Here are all three girl cousins at the same age.

I think there might be some family resemblance...