I remember a moment during my engagement to Jon. I was listening to a friend gush and aww her way through the description of her new boyfriend and a reality check set in. I will never get those first-time emotions again. I will never get to experience the butterflies of having my hand held, or the giddy thoughts of whether tonight will be our first kiss or not. I won’t want to stay up all night talking to him because I can’t get enough, because I want to know everything about him. I won’t get those moments of seeing only the good in him, because I haven’t gotten to see the weaknesses yet. It was a little hard having that moment, because I love Love and those moments really are the best.
After time, however, these interesting little mysteries become all too familiar – and that’s when contempt can begin to seek in. Every marriage goes through this stage. An enrapturing love quiets down to a predictable routine.
Almost 10 years of marriage later, 14 years together as a couple, and I can certainly attest to the truth of this statement. Jon and I have reached this point in our relationship where I can predict Jon’s reaction, Jon’s routine, better than he can. Jon knows ME better than I know myself. We can actually finish each other’s sentences. Jon will start to tell me something and intuitively, I just know what its going to be about. And vice versa. We actually have full conversations with our eyes, without a word said between the two of us.
Some may find that boring, the predictability of it going against everything that is supposed to define the idea of soul mates and everlasting, true love. It means the opposite of me. To know that Jon knows me so intimately that he can predict my next thought, my next move, IS true, deep, everlasting love to me. It’s a love born of an intimacy that few get to experience.
Giving respect is an obligation, not a favor; it is an act of maturity, birthed in a profound understanding of God’s good grace.
However its within this intimacy, where there is nothing to hide, that my weakness, my failures, my missteps are laid bare to Jon. He knows ME. All of me. He knows that patience is not one of my virtues. He knows how badly I’ve failed in my worst parenting moments. It’s a nakedness and vulnerability that I’ve exposed to Jon and I’ve placed in him a trust to love me and respect me through those ugly sides and moments.
This chapter spoke profoundly to me and I had to cut this post in so many places. There were so many things I wanted to write about, but decided to keep it to just these two points. One of the best chapters I’ve read so far!!