I am a worrier. Its in my nature to be anxious. Not that I think its ok to worry, in fact, God repeatedly tells us not to do it. But let’s call it my “thorn”, the one thing that my flesh constantly has to battle.
I’ve mentioned before that I’m the financial worrier in our relationship. It doesn’t matter that we’re both spenders and I’m usually helping with the spending, I’m the one that worries over it. I’ll be the first to admit we live paycheck to paycheck, something we understood was going to happen when I quit my job three years ago. But expecting it doesn’t make it any less hard to actually live it.
And Jon, well, his faith is unshakeable. His faith that God will provide is always spot on, its always there. He’s unflappable. And at times, it drives me batty. I’d love to see a shadow of doubt cross his face because then I’d feel less like a failure in the faith department. But at the same time, Jon’s my rock. And if his faith is strong, steady, and sure, then I’m reminded that God IS faithful.
Lately, though, little things have been coming up. The Littles want to play this sport and do that activity. Appetites have increased and our grocery budget is no longer enough. Hudson outgrew 5 pairs of jeans in a matter of weeks. There’s the field trip, and the birthday parties. There’s the basement we want to finish, so we have more space and Hudson can have his own room. There’s the summer camp Devyn wants to go to, and the vacation we want to plan.
And all I can think is how?
How can we afford all of these things? How am I going to find an extra $200 in our budget to pay for groceries? How will we pay for the sports, the clothes, the getaways? How will we ever get ahead, when we have the van to repair? How? How? How?
And then today, during errands, I heard a strong whisper.
“Why do you worry about the how? Haven’t you always been cared for? Haven’t the needs of your children been met every single time for the past nine years? Stop worrying about the how, let the past speak for itself.”
It was eye opening to say the least.
I went back and read this post today. And I was reminded, yet again, that our needs have always been met. Always. There has never been a time that one of my children has gone to bed hungry. They are clothed and warm. There is a roof over their heads, and there is love in this house. Can I really worry about the how, when this is more than enough?!