I’ve given a lot of thought to this post. In fact, truth be told, its constantly on my mind, in the dark corners where the spider webs collect dust. That nagging thought and question about what I’m neglecting, and how I can reconcile this space on the internet and the rest of my life. How does one find the time to blog when there is laundry to fold and put away? There’s the constant need to sweep up the crumbs that have fallen in the 40 minutes since the last sweep, the bathrooms can always use a good cleaning, and I should probably take care of the smell emanating from the refrigerator. And I can’t forget the bills to pay, the calls to return, the Littles to watch, the homework to help with, and heavens, I really need to take down the Christmas tree and decorations.
But its been over two weeks since I last posted. And I miss this place.
I’ve been blogging since the fall of 2005, a month before Devyn’s 1st birthday. I’ve been blogging since before Blogger had custom templates, on the generic blue and green theme. Before sponsors, giveaways, weekly memes, professional bloggers, and the like. I’m not saying those things are bad, PLEASE hear me on that! I’m just saying that I’ve been blogging since before blogging became popular. I have seven years of my life invested in this blog. The archives hold a treasure trove of memories and milestones, of ideologies and essays. This blog is too much a part of me to ever stop…
But here’s the thing… Life goes on, munchkins grow up, and it’s a lot trickier trying to navigate the murky waters of a) finding the time to post, b) what is appropriate to post about Littles and their lives, and c) not posting for posting’s sake. While I certainly don’t expect everyone to blog for the same reasons (as they shouldn’t, how boring this world would be if we were all the same), I adhere to certain “rules” for my own convictions sake.
- I won’t be leaving this place. Its mine. My thoughts, beliefs, feelings, experiences. This is where I come to process so many of my emotions on any number of topics. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to pack up and move on.
- I can’t promise that I’ll write as routinely as I once did. I’ll write whenever inspiration hits and I love that so many want to read about our life. Truthfully, I’m quite honored. But I find those moments to be fewer and further between.
- Anything that I share about the Littles and their own experiences in school, with friends, with family, will be done so with the permission of said Little. I find that this has become much trickier as they grow older, but I must walk that tightrope carefully.
- I find that grief is a funny thing. It has sucked me dry, in every way possible. I haven’t had the passion or inspiration to write here as much as I like. I hope as healing continues, the joy I have in blogging will return. But in the mean time, this beautiful blogger expresses much more eloquently than I could what I’m currently feeling.
Oh 2013, I have high hopes for you. Granted, you won’t have to put forth too much effort to outdo 2012, but let’s not let that go to your head. I’m borrowing my sister’s words and praying for a year of health and healing.
Mostly, I hope and pray for healing. Healing for my Dad as he recovers from his surgery on January 17th, and that we will hear that he is cancer free after his surgery. I would also pray for healing for so many that lost loved ones this past year. Those that lost loved ones to tragic and horrific shootings, and those that lost loved ones in other unexpected ways. I also pray for healing for families that are being torn apart through other circumstances.
I hope and pray for healthy babies. A healthy 3rd baby for us, healthy babies for my sister Alli and my friends, and most of all I pray for babies for all of those couples that have been dreaming and trying to have a family for many months or years.
2013. Let’s do this!